okay pat passed out under dana's car
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize