p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
