Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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