addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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