my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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