Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
