i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
