"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
