A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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