I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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