I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
then he tried to convert me to islam
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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