Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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