I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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