Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
