Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
