Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
