Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
