A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
