Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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