The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
