I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
