Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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