That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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