All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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