Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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