I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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