Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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