He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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