We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
