worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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