im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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