My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
