I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
