I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize