He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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