he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize