I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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