I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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