I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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