u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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