Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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