Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were trust falling into bushes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
