how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize