just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
