3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
