does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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