im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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