Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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