are you still at the devil's house?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
