Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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