Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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