Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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