I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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