Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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