Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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