sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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