I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
