i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
