I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
