this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
