I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
