are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How naked do you want me to be?
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