if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize