dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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