the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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