I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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