dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
