I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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