1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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